A Hospital Odyssey…
Hospital Admission!
I have never been through surgery before, and hopefully, never will again. So, I think I would be remiss not to keep some record of my impressions. I was admitted into the labyrinths of the hospital on a Monday morning, and was dutifully prepared for the operation. I remember flying through underground corridors at high speeds safe on my guernsey (or is it a gurney?) One of the last things I remembered reading in my pre-op material was a warning not to let anyone shave your belly before surgery. My last memory before surgery was having my belly shaved. After surgery my first impression on coming to was an enormous sense of relief. I’m not sure why because all the worst was yet to come, but nevertheless I felt at peace at that moment which is more than I could say again for a long while..
The first room assignment that I remember was a single room in the step-down unit of ICU on the eighth floor. Through my window I watched the comings and goings of the great Mercy Flight helicopters as they whirred in and out of view. I knocked on my window and waved to the crews to rescue me, but they only smiled and waved back. Gradually, I got to know my new environment, the Green Fireflies, the Gas Monitors and all the rest. Eventually, I was transferred to the sixth floor so that I could no longer interfere with the helicopter operations.
The Roommate
When I moved to a smaller room on the sixth floor, I was fortunate enough to share the space with another gentleman recovering from surgery. In the wee hours of the morning, he would often turn on a movie on the TV. It was then that I came to realize what a gentle soul he was. While rival hordes of rebels spent their spare time disemboweling each other and hurling one another over the cliffs, my gentle partner never once cheered one group over the other. As the bodies splattered off the rocks below, he would drift into a peaceful slumber. I, meanwhile, would cringe in my hospital bed hoping the rebels would not discover me. Eventually, I would be rescued by the green fireflies.
The Green Fireflies
The green fireflies are a special race of affable, amiable creatures of both genders who appear in hospital rooms between dusk and dawn. With their lighthearted chatter, blinking green lights and steady beeping they dispel the denizens of the dark including the worst TV programs. They are all young, ambitious, altruistic attractive beings with no greater desire than to make you feel better even if they have to keep you awake to accomplish their goal. Since they carry large baskets of needles of all sizes and shapes, there is a small sting that comes along with this benevolence, but it is well worth the slight pain and once you become accustomed to it you hardly take further notice. “Sir, this will only prick for a moment; which arm or leg would you prefer?” You are advised to respond promptly or you may get it in all four limbs! Along with all their curative treatments there is a gathering of data that occurs, all for your own good, of course. I owe my life to these delightful creatures!
Passing Gas, …Sir!
I wouldn’t mention this, but it was of such obvious vital importance, that I can’t avoid the issue. Sometimes in the evenings, squadrons of doctors uniformed in white (they always appeared in this formation) and carrying clipboards would show up by my bedside with the all-important question, “Have you passed gas, sir? I was always sorry to tell them “no” since it was obvious by their demeanor that this was a matter of vital national importance. Finally one evening, I was pleased to report, “Gas passed at 20:18 hours, sir! The details will be broadcast on “Today” tomorrow.” One by one, the field marshals and chiefs of staff saluted me with a hint of a smile as they filed out of the room, obviously satisfied that this national crisis had been averted.
Ring Around the Nurse’s Station
As I lay in my bed at night…or was it day?…I would listen to the cheerful sounds of a party in the next room. There was laughter and merriment, jokes were told and perhaps even drinks were poured. I always thought it rather curious that my room was adjacent to a party lounge. As I gained strength, the nurses would take me for walks around the nurse’s station which was always a circle situated in the center of the floor with the patient rooms located around the perimeter. I soon began to realize that the parties were actually meetings concerning patient welfare. These very same revelers dressed in blue would become the green fireflies at night. What a magical arrangement!
Friends Bearing Gifts!
One of the pleasures of the hospital stay is the hospital visit from your friends. Often these dear folk bring you gifts, sometimes edible which you can store at the nurses‘ station, sometimes not, in which case you can pass your time trying to identify the items. I do particularly remember one occasion watching aghast while a goodhearted friend proceeded to fill my entire bedside cabinet with crackers and pencils. I never did find my toothbrush again, but thanks for the soup!
Pills and Enzymes
I always thought that the needles would cause me the greatest distress, but one soon gets used to being a living pin cushion. Pills soon took over the roll of nemesis. On one occasion, the nurse filled three good sized cups with pills explaining to me what they were and what might happen to me if I should fail to take them. The last of these was filled with large rock hard pill like objects. No matter how small you cut them, they always had sharp edges that would gag you. After a day of unsuccessfully struggling with these hideous objects, I finally said to the nurse, “Do you see these pills?” None of them shall ever pass my lips again. If I die you may then fill my mouth with these rocks if you wish.” I was expecting a stern rebuke, but instead she promised to find an alternative. Eventually, I was told that I didn’t need them in the first place!
Along the same lines, I have been taking enzymes in a capsule since I have been home. These capsules are very necessary and caused me great distress when I tried to discontinue them. I told my wife at every meal, “You must find an alternative for these awful capsules.” Finally we learned that we could open the capsule and sprinkle the contents in the food. Now, I no longer need them.
As John Denver taught us long ago, “Enzymes…on my dinner…make me healthy!”
~Richard Taglieri (2013)
Hospital Admission!
I have never been through surgery before, and hopefully, never will again. So, I think I would be remiss not to keep some record of my impressions. I was admitted into the labyrinths of the hospital on a Monday morning, and was dutifully prepared for the operation. I remember flying through underground corridors at high speeds safe on my guernsey (or is it a gurney?) One of the last things I remembered reading in my pre-op material was a warning not to let anyone shave your belly before surgery. My last memory before surgery was having my belly shaved. After surgery my first impression on coming to was an enormous sense of relief. I’m not sure why because all the worst was yet to come, but nevertheless I felt at peace at that moment which is more than I could say again for a long while..
The first room assignment that I remember was a single room in the step-down unit of ICU on the eighth floor. Through my window I watched the comings and goings of the great Mercy Flight helicopters as they whirred in and out of view. I knocked on my window and waved to the crews to rescue me, but they only smiled and waved back. Gradually, I got to know my new environment, the Green Fireflies, the Gas Monitors and all the rest. Eventually, I was transferred to the sixth floor so that I could no longer interfere with the helicopter operations.
The Roommate
When I moved to a smaller room on the sixth floor, I was fortunate enough to share the space with another gentleman recovering from surgery. In the wee hours of the morning, he would often turn on a movie on the TV. It was then that I came to realize what a gentle soul he was. While rival hordes of rebels spent their spare time disemboweling each other and hurling one another over the cliffs, my gentle partner never once cheered one group over the other. As the bodies splattered off the rocks below, he would drift into a peaceful slumber. I, meanwhile, would cringe in my hospital bed hoping the rebels would not discover me. Eventually, I would be rescued by the green fireflies.
The Green Fireflies
The green fireflies are a special race of affable, amiable creatures of both genders who appear in hospital rooms between dusk and dawn. With their lighthearted chatter, blinking green lights and steady beeping they dispel the denizens of the dark including the worst TV programs. They are all young, ambitious, altruistic attractive beings with no greater desire than to make you feel better even if they have to keep you awake to accomplish their goal. Since they carry large baskets of needles of all sizes and shapes, there is a small sting that comes along with this benevolence, but it is well worth the slight pain and once you become accustomed to it you hardly take further notice. “Sir, this will only prick for a moment; which arm or leg would you prefer?” You are advised to respond promptly or you may get it in all four limbs! Along with all their curative treatments there is a gathering of data that occurs, all for your own good, of course. I owe my life to these delightful creatures!
Passing Gas, …Sir!
I wouldn’t mention this, but it was of such obvious vital importance, that I can’t avoid the issue. Sometimes in the evenings, squadrons of doctors uniformed in white (they always appeared in this formation) and carrying clipboards would show up by my bedside with the all-important question, “Have you passed gas, sir? I was always sorry to tell them “no” since it was obvious by their demeanor that this was a matter of vital national importance. Finally one evening, I was pleased to report, “Gas passed at 20:18 hours, sir! The details will be broadcast on “Today” tomorrow.” One by one, the field marshals and chiefs of staff saluted me with a hint of a smile as they filed out of the room, obviously satisfied that this national crisis had been averted.
Ring Around the Nurse’s Station
As I lay in my bed at night…or was it day?…I would listen to the cheerful sounds of a party in the next room. There was laughter and merriment, jokes were told and perhaps even drinks were poured. I always thought it rather curious that my room was adjacent to a party lounge. As I gained strength, the nurses would take me for walks around the nurse’s station which was always a circle situated in the center of the floor with the patient rooms located around the perimeter. I soon began to realize that the parties were actually meetings concerning patient welfare. These very same revelers dressed in blue would become the green fireflies at night. What a magical arrangement!
Friends Bearing Gifts!
One of the pleasures of the hospital stay is the hospital visit from your friends. Often these dear folk bring you gifts, sometimes edible which you can store at the nurses‘ station, sometimes not, in which case you can pass your time trying to identify the items. I do particularly remember one occasion watching aghast while a goodhearted friend proceeded to fill my entire bedside cabinet with crackers and pencils. I never did find my toothbrush again, but thanks for the soup!
Pills and Enzymes
I always thought that the needles would cause me the greatest distress, but one soon gets used to being a living pin cushion. Pills soon took over the roll of nemesis. On one occasion, the nurse filled three good sized cups with pills explaining to me what they were and what might happen to me if I should fail to take them. The last of these was filled with large rock hard pill like objects. No matter how small you cut them, they always had sharp edges that would gag you. After a day of unsuccessfully struggling with these hideous objects, I finally said to the nurse, “Do you see these pills?” None of them shall ever pass my lips again. If I die you may then fill my mouth with these rocks if you wish.” I was expecting a stern rebuke, but instead she promised to find an alternative. Eventually, I was told that I didn’t need them in the first place!
Along the same lines, I have been taking enzymes in a capsule since I have been home. These capsules are very necessary and caused me great distress when I tried to discontinue them. I told my wife at every meal, “You must find an alternative for these awful capsules.” Finally we learned that we could open the capsule and sprinkle the contents in the food. Now, I no longer need them.
As John Denver taught us long ago, “Enzymes…on my dinner…make me healthy!”
~Richard Taglieri (2013)
